Dissociative Identity Disorder:
Safety in Ignorance
Jamie
was bred into a generational family of abuse. They didn’t consider
what they did to the child as abuse but rather ‘training’ to fit into
society as expected. She was to attend college in order to work as an
attorney within the ‘organization’. Her training began at birth.
During her early childhood, she was exposed to brutal rapes and torture
by members of the organization. Since she was viewed as an asset
rather than a child with needs, the abuse came from seemingly every
source. By the age of three, the perpetrators, who were aware that
abused children dissociate, had effectively set up scenarios that split
her mind into several different personalities. Before she was 5 years
old, she had learned only pain, sadness, agony, and betrayal. She knew
never to tell anyone, or the punishment would be death of a friend, pet,
or herself.
She learned to dissociate (go away) in order to
avoid the torturous situations, never realizing that another state of
mind was aware. She learned to avoid the sad feelings of having no one
there who cared enough to protect her, not knowing that another state of
mind carried those feelings. She learned that there were only two ways
to avoid the ongoing agony: dissociation or suicide. Mostly, she
learned to behave normally in public and for the next 40 years, she
managed to behave as if her family of origin was perfect, being the
product of loving and nurturing parents.
She always knew the
sad and pain inside and never forgot the threats of telling. As long as
she acted normally, all would be well in her life. She would attend
the best schools, marry well, and have the perfect family. That was her
cross to bear – her heritage.
Throughout her life, Jamie
struggled with the symptoms of dissociative identity disorder (DID), as
do most children who use the defense of dissociation to deal with
extreme abuse. She always felt as if her outside life were a fog,
unreal and timeless. This is called ‘derealization’ and a symptom of
DID. She could never remember to eat and had no connection with her
body. It also seemed unreal. This is called ‘depersonalization’ –
another symptom of DID. She often lost time; seemingly waking up in
places she did not recognize feeling much younger than her age. This is
often termed ‘switching’ – yet another symptom of DID. Though she
lived her life in a state of self-hatred, she knew she was as she had
been carefully taught – damned.
Jamie is but one in some million
abused children struggling with living adult life as a survivor of
abuse. Not all have dissociative disorders, but many do – about 1-3% of
the population. Though these statistics are reality, articles and
information are written by groups of ‘professionals’ who claim that
there is really ‘no such thing as DID’. These articles also invalidate
the people who have been diagnosed with DID and/or treat dissociated
clients. It soon becomes obvious that the topic of trauma and
dissociation is actually viewed by many as ‘controversial’.
I
remember when I was first diagnosed with DID some 10 years ago. I ran
home from the doctor and began researching the diagnosis. I learned
that there were vocal groups who not only hated me, but also the few
mental health professionals who I could look to for help with my
symptoms. One group, the False Memory Syndrome Foundation (FMSF), have
been in the media since the 90’s spreading such nonsense that there is a
syndrome called ‘false memory syndrome’. This happens when a person
remembers any childhood abuse. Another popular tale is that therapists
who treat dissociation ‘implant false abuse memories’ into their
clients’ brains. Most importantly, these folks poke fun at the DID
diagnosis stating that clients come to ‘believe’ they have DID from
their therapists – called ‘iatrogenic DID’ or ‘therapy induced’.
According to Dr. Paul McHugh (a well-know FMSF member):
“Once the
patient permits the therapist to "talk to the part . . . who is taking
those long drives," the patient is committed to having MPD and is forced
to act in ways consistent with this role. The patient is then placed
into care on units or in services - often titled "the dissociative
service" - at the institution. She meets other patients with the same
compliant responses to therapists' suggestions. She and the staff begin a
continuous search for other "alters." With the discovery of the first
"alter," the barrier of self-criticism and self-observation is breached.
No obstacles to invention remain.
Countless numbers of
personalities emerge over time. What began as two or three may develop
to 99 or 100. The distressing symptoms continue as long as therapeutic
attention is focused on finding more alters and sustaining the view that
the problems relate to an "intriguing capacity" to dissociate or
fractionate the self.
At Johns Hopkins, we see patients in whom
MPD has been diagnosed because symptoms of depression have continued
despite therapy elsewhere. Our referrals have been few and our
experience, therefore, is only now building, probably because our views -
that MPD may be a therapist-induced artifact - have only recently
become generally known in our community” (McHugh, 1995).
Dr.
McHugh is an educator and a doctor. He, and others like him, have
trained and are now training scores of people who have and will be
entering the mental health field. These folks were not only trained,
but rewarded for accepting such nonsense as ‘truth’.
I do recall
my university studies in the area of psychology. During my some 6 years
in university, I never learned about DID/MPD and only remember learning
how to spell ‘dissociation’ despite that theories of dissociation were
first written about during 1869, when French neurologist Pierre Janet
discovered that a system of ideas split off from the main personality
when he hypnotized his female patients. Soon afterward, William James,
the father of American psychology, uncovered a similar phenomenon and
termed the condition ‘disassociation’. The theory of DID has been
around since then.
Many have asked why our society seems to
listen to and believe such garbage as ‘false memory syndrome’,
‘iatrogenic DID’, therapists having the ability to or even wanting to
‘implant memories’ in their clients’ brains. And, for those who care,
answers creep forward. Are the members and/or followers of the FMSF
(who does have a shady history) and other professionals who perpetrate
this controversy financially benefitting from child abuse? Are they
just ignorant and/or too lazy to research dissociation and or the
effects of trauma on children? What’s the deal?
I have come in
contact with mental health professionals who not only have set beliefs
that DID does not exist, but refuse to treat it and actually emotionally
abuse those who seek treatment. Therefore, I have learned to hide, as I
did as a child from unsafe people who are meant to keep us safe. Those
seeking help ‘avoid’ those who are meant to help us, because they
‘avoid’ us by believing that we aren’t ‘real’.
As a society, we
find safety in ignorance – we avoid anything that seems unsafe. We
believe what seems the safest to believe. And, when we live this way –
we die ignorant.
Why is it difficult to believe that so many folks
struggle with symptoms of DID? Clearly, there is no such ‘syndrome’ as
‘false memory syndrome’. At least, there has never been any evidence to
prove such a thing. Therapists do not have the power to ‘implant
memories’ in their clients brains, and DID happens as an affect of
extreme trauma at an early age.
Is it easier to invalidate folks who
have endured horrible abuse at the hands of their caretakers than to
help them? For gosh sakes – these people have lived through hell with
nobody to protect or stand for them. They aren’t suffering from ‘false
memory syndrome’ or ‘iatrogenic DID’, but from horrifying flashbacks,
lost time, confusing derealization and depersonalization, eating
disorders, low self-esteem, relationship problems, and more.
These
folks cannot regain their childhood, but deserve respect and support
now as they struggle to live in a world that holds everything they
always deserved. At the very least, they should not have to fear the
mental health system that has the education available to treat and
finally give these folks some help.
Anyone who invalidates the
reality of DID only needs to think for themselves – and, disregard those
who, for whatever reason, promulgate the notion that DID is not real.
We, who have DID are real; we only need professional therapists to help
us realize that. Maybe, you don’t like ‘knowing’. Maybe, avoiding us –
dissociating our reality is easier. Maybe, deciding that we are all
looking for attention helps you get through a day.
From the
very beginning of our life, we learn to act normally, to fit in with
society’s expectations. And, within our society are beliefs that hold
us all together: parents nurture their children teaching them right from
wrong; teachers ensure that their students behave and learn according
to rules within the status quo; friends and family accept that what
happens ‘behind closed doors’ is not their business; only criminals of
low social standing would ever abuse a child; children cannot be
believed.
These are the lies you are told. We, with DID, live
in a hell no singleton could ever understand and/or believe. Few stand
for us. Those who do are our heroes. They put their reputations on the
line, their time caring for the adults who were never heard. And, they
put themselves out there to educate others.
Those who care know
who you are, and you know that you give us life and a strength we never
realized we have always held deep inside. We are survivors and
together, we are strong. The glue that holds us together, the
foundation that holds us up is those therapists who are there for us –
believing, validating and helping us heal.
I have written this
article in thanks to my wonderful therapist and in asking that other
therapists take the time to give us a chance. Join adult survivors of
abuse, other therapists, and supporters at the 2014 Trauma and
Dissociation Conference being held on October 3-5. We aren’t asking
anyone to change their ‘beliefs’, but to come listen with an open heart
to a full schedule of educational opportunities; to take part in
valuable workshops and hear plenaries presented by educators and
practitioners in the area of trauma and dissociation. Please visit:
www.igdid.org.
Source: Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, July 1995 v34 n7 p957(3).
Copyright: Felicity Lee 5/11/14
You do not have the right to copy this article without permission of the author.
